This holiday, give your children the gift of good behavior
The holidays are like an etiquette minefield for children. Cooks who get “creative” with the food; long, boring visits with distant relatives; and gifts that are less-than-exciting can all leave kids feeling less than gracious. But with a little effort in advance, parents can help kids be on their best behavior — at least when it counts the most. We turned to Davidson etiquette expert Aimee Symington, owner of Successful Kids, to offer a few tips.
The secret to success:
Before any social situation, whether it’s a visit to family or a dinner party at home, parents should tell their children exactly what’s expected. “In a helpful, not nagging, way, parents can remind children of what’s going to happen,” Symington said. “It really sets them up more for success.” For example, a parent might tell their child they expect them to greet Aunt Betty with a kiss, ask how she is and then sit down for a few minutes to talk.
Table manners matter:
Children ages 5 and up are old enough to behave properly at the dinner table. This means sitting straight in their chair, with their elbows off the table and their napkin in their lap. Kids should try a bite of everything they’re served, Symington said. If they don’t care for something, tell them ahead of time that it’s OK to leave it on the plate, but that they shouldn’t announce to the table that a particular food is “yucky.” The magic words “please” and “thank you” should be used liberally throughout the meal. And when they’re done, children should ask their hostess if they can be excused.
Be a good guest:
Parents should tell children what’s expected: no running around like crazy, being loud, making messes, staying clear of off-limits areas. “It’s about really being respectful of the house and the people in the home,” Symington said.
Putting in an appearance:
It might not be their favorite thing to do, but during holiday visits, it’s important for children to spend time with the adults present, Symington said. This probably means leaving the Game Boy and other distractions in the car. You can set a time limit for kids to stay engaged before they go off to play, but let your child know ahead of time that you will indicate when the time to leave the conversation has come.
Get them involved:
Especially if an event is at your house, it’s a good idea to give your children tasks they can be responsible for. Put children in charge of welcoming guests, taking their coats and offering them a drink. Kids can also make place-setting cards and set the table. It keeps them involved in what’s going on and teaches them manners at the same time, Symington said.
Being grateful:
Many parents hold their breath when a child is opening a present. It’s not what will come out of the box that has them in suspense, but what will come out of their child’s mouth. Even if they receive a gift they detest, or one they already have, children should be taught to express gratitude and be aware of others’ feelings. Symington suggests teaching them to look the giver in the eye and simply say, “Thank you.”
Send a note:
Thank-you notes never go out of style. While all presents received in the mail must be acknowledged by a note, Symington said, it’s polite to send a note even when you’ve already thanked the giver in person. “Children of all ages should write thank-you notes, even if parents have to write it for them,” she said, adding that kids 6 and older should be able to write their own notes.
Don’t give up:
Teaching children manners is rally about “constant reminding,” she said. “It’s not something that’s going to happen in a day.” But it will make children more fun to be around, which is something everyone can embrace for the holidays.
By Amy Fuhrman
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